WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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