Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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