After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
