i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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