fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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