I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
