I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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