I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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