Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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