so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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