will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
