The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
