C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
