We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
jump out the window naked night went bad
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