Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize