saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
