remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
