I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize