Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
