are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
