You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
