you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
