dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
