Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
