you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
