He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
