p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
