He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
