I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
