My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
