This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is her dick bigger than yours?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
