when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
