Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
