I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
