I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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