I hate your face
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
