Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize