So gin and wine won't be happening again
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
