I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
