so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
