I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
barbara walters just said penis...
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
