Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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