So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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