i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
