Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
