Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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