the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
