so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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