12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
