Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
