remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
