why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Randomize
