420 ftw
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
