I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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