I am puke
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
