Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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