dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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