just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
