Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
