apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
