I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
