This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
